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  Starbucks Fail or What I Learned in ther Year 2009  
posted by sara

 (Adapted from a talk I gave for a women’s event at our church)

 

So, a few months ago I burst into tears at Starbucks. Well, I did a frustrated grunt at the cashier, pushed the babies through two doors in the double stroller, made it outside, and then I cried.

 

Earlier that morning I found a coupon for a one-day-only free pastry at Starbucks. I called up my friend Jaime and we decided that despite a little craziness we would meet and enjoy our free muffins together. At closer glance, I saw the coupon was only good until 10:30 so we had a time crunch. I got socks and shoes on the twins and myself, restocked the diaper bag with juice, snacks, and diapers, and buckled them in the car. At that point Audrey looked up at me and said, “Audrey poo poo!” I got her back out of the car seat, changed her, put her back in, and we headed off. We arrived at 10:15 and I exclaimed to the cashier that I sure hoped there were some pastries left! He smiled, looked at my coupon and said, “Oh, this is a one time deal for tomorrow only.” I was deflated. And he was right. The date on the coupon was for the next day only.

 

I had jumped through hoops to get to Starbucks to enjoy a little treat. Not only that, but I had invited a friend who also has twins to jump though her own set of hoops to meet me there. If only I was more detail oriented!

 

On another occasion, I left a Ziploc full of lunch meat in the diaper bag. We had taken the babies to the park to eat and when we got home I didn’t put the rest of the meat in the fridge. I found it the next day and was reminded of my forgetfulness every time I opened up the turkey scented diaper bag for the rest of the day. If only that were the only time I’d wasted food, time, or money because of my own forgetfulness!

 

There’s a trend developing. Our car started smelling like a banana. I don’t drive it very often, only when I go somewhere without the babies. Nathan rides his bike to work so sometimes we don’t use the car for days at a time. It started as a faint whiff of banana on a quick run to the grocery store. When I got home I forgot to scout out the culprit but when I took another short trip in the car a week later, the smell of that forgotten banana peel reminded me of my negligence. I thought there must be a rogue peel that got slipped under the seat so I set out looking for it. I cleaned every crevice of the car, found odds and ends, 4 pens, and 65 cents in change but no banana. Nathan suggested I check the trunk. Oh no! Not one, but two entire bunches of bananas and a carton of mushrooms had been left in the trunk of the car. I remember what happened. I had been in such a hurry to grab groceries and race home that I only hauled in the items that needed to be immediately refrigerated before we piled the kids in the van and hurried to our next destination. Why can’t I be more organized!

 

It’s not that I’m bummed that I make mistakes. Accidents happen and I can usually laugh at them. My issue this year has been that I realized I constantly compare myself to people who do things better than I do. If only I was as good at budgeting and couponing as my sister-in-law. If only my kitchen was as planned and organized as that of other people. If only I was as hard working as the girl who just resigned from the committee I just joined. If only I was as put together as those people who have all their books and DVDs in alphabetical order. If only I paid as much attention to detail as most other people on the planet.

 

I realized I was living a life of comparing while doing a bible study this summer called The Gospel-Centered Life: A Nine Lesson Study from World Harvest Mission. I’m not sure I’d realized before that constantly comparing myself to others or wishing to be more like someone other than myself was sin. Failing to believe the identity I have in Christ minimizes the sacrifice he made for me. Jesus came to earth as a man, lived a perfect life of authority and service, then humbled himself and died in obedience on the cross so that we can be justified in a right relationship with God. Someone with this power, authority, and love has told me that I am fully loved and accepted and I was whining about my worldly shortcomings.

 

I’m so glad God did not stop there with me. Through the GCL, I was not only asked to start seeing my own sin, but to dig even deeper. What was the heart sin that was the root of these issues? Why did I care that other people were better at things? AHA! I care about what I do because I care what people think about what I do. I want people to think I’m awesome, that I’m good at life, that I’m respectable and reliable. These idols of pride, approval, and recognition from others were more important to me than what the Holy, living God thought of me.

 

I journaled, read scripture, and prayed about my fears, perceptions, and habits and especially about the heart idol of approval. I was asked to consider how this idol was failing me in a way that Jesus never would. The biblical truth from Ephesians 3 became my soul’s answer to questions I had been asking for a long time.

“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

 20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

God’s Love. God’s honest, earnest, perfect, unchangeable love for me was the key truth I needed to really believe to move past my sin and start loving God, others, and myself in fresh new ways. I was honestly very surprised by this revelation. God loves me? That’s something you sing about in the church nursery. That’s Basic Being a Christian 101. But somewhere along the way I had been clouded and started thinking being loved by people was more important than being loved and known by God. Another powerful reminder for me is Col 3:23, 24

23Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 24since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

I’m certainly aware enough of myself to know that I will continue making mistakes. Just yesterday I was hurriedly trying to get a meal into the crockpot and in my absorption with the task my kids broke a glass jar they found. While I gated them out of the kitchen to sweep up the glass, they got into the pantry and started decorating the floor and hallway with flour and cookie cutters. But I don’t worry as much now about my failures. I laugh at them and praise God that I am loved and accepted by Him just as I am. Even if I’m that lady crying in the line at Starbucks.

 

 

 

 

 
Jan 31, 2010
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